It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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