You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize