WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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