I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
