Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
