whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
