Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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