she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
