I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
