dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We left the knife in your bed.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
