So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
