my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
