Please, let me fuck your mom
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He? As in you personified your dick?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
