is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
