life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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