we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
