my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
