no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
