That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You did what with his pubic hair?
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