I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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