I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
