I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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