where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize