i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
