After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
