Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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