New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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