She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
