I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
