I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
