i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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