Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
