Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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