why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
