had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Everyone says I win the strip club
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize