hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
