That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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