Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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