I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
