Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Found the puke drawer
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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