After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
