Soap is not a condiment
i will never coherently bang her
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
