exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
