You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
