Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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