Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
