shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
