Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
