don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
