Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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