ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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