I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize