You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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