____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
