just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
