Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
