3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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