it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
