You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
