remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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