this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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