Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
