Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
