This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize