dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
