It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
