fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize