no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
